Keep Your Clothes On

I’ve noticed something strange going on in online dating. People seem to have become less inhibited. I’m not sure if it’s because people feel more comfortable in the comfort of their own home, and this makes them believe it’s all right to share more, or if it has something to do with the cloak of anonymity that going online offers, but I think people are oversharing. And I’m not talking about too much information (although this happens too)—I’m talking about too much skin! Sure, tawdry websites exist where skin is accepted, or even expected. But even mainstream online dating websites are full of scintillating pics. What’s more, there seems to be no holding back, no intrigue, no building up to sharing these kinds of photos. They seem to be expected automatically, quid pro quo.

Case in point, not too long ago I put up a very cute, light-hearted entry on a dating website that mentioned the fact that I have a dog, among other things. I received a nice, short note from a cute fellow dog-owner, along with a photo of him and his dog. Awwww, I thought, how sweet. He came across as likeable and someone worth continuing to correspond with. I replied with a brief note.

When I heard back from him, he included about fifteen pictures (this is never a good sign – there is a direct correlation between the number of photos sent and the size of the sender’s ego). The first picture I opened was minus his four-legged friend . . . and minus most of his clothes as well! He stood, back to the camera, striking a body builder pose in slinky black underwear. Eeewww! “What in the hell is wrong with him?” I wondered as I deleted his e-mail. I’m sorry, but on what planet is this all right? I do not even know this guy!

Along with guys who show too much skin, I’ve met guys online who want to see too much skin. I have a girl-next-door picture I routinely use for online dating. It’s a shot of my face and captures me smiling, my hair smooth (for once!) and not in disarray. Maybe my earrings are bit on the big side, reminiscent of Madonna in the eighties, but overall, it’s not a bad picture.

I cannot count the number of times that I have received e-mails from men asking for a body shot in response to this photo. It seems to me that these men want to receive full body pictures so they can see some skin (preferably with cleavage) and to ensure that I have a “healthy height to weight ratio” (yes, these were the exact words used in one exchange). I always want to shout back in all caps: “Excuse me, VAIN MUCH?!” Call me crazy but I would like to, ahem, get to know someone before doing even a quarter-Monty. And as for sending a full body shot to people, the day that men wear high heels on a regular basis is the day that I will even start considering this. I have come to the realization that I wouldn’t want to date any of these egomaniacs anyway and I delete, delete, delete.

My friends keep reminding me that men are visual creatures. I get this, I really do. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with showing some skin after things have progressed a bit beyond the initial e-mail exchange. A past boyfriend of mine sent me some very nice shots once, reminiscent of Marky Mark in his Calvin Klein modeling days— but this was after we’d been dating for some time. And even then, my first reaction was to laugh (sorry, near-naked men sometimes have this effect). My second reaction was to think he should perhaps try to become a Calvin Klein model, seriously (loooooong sigh).

But when I’m getting to know someone, meeting and greeting them for the first time, talking about where they grew up and whether they have brothers and sisters – I don’t even want to be imagining what they look like in their underwear. So, please men, keep your clothes on (at least for a while!).