Romance Gods

Back in the day, the Greek Gods used to create chaos among humans so that they could be entertained by the fallout. These days we are all used to seeing this on the big screen with the latest Renee Zellweger romcom. But one doesn’t always have to take a trip to the multiplex to see mayhem in action. I’m a firm believer that the Romance Gods are still alive and pulling strings from on high. How else could one explain the error of comedies that continues to happen with some people over and over again?

Sam and I meet online and hit it off by phone. He is a corporate guy used to days full of intricately timed meetings, remaining calm under pressure, and playing by the rules. You can imagine our mutual surprise when nearly every time we try to get together, something bad happens to our perfectly planned plans. On our first date, he arrives an hour late because his car tires get stuck in an unexpected snow. The next date has him accidentally knocking his martini over at a hip restaurant and flooding my freshly arrived filet mignon. Then there is the time he is pulled over and gets a speeding ticket while driving to my apartment for a home cooked meal. And he doesn’t even know about the time I completely wiped out in the not so private halls of my apartment building after returning from a date with him. Despite our mutual attraction (oh, yes, he was quite a handsome devil), we both begin to wonder if perhaps we are misaligned. Things come to a head when Sam and I are supposed to hang out and keep missing each other to the extreme. Then, he leaves for vacation and by the time he returns, I’ve made peace with the fact that we are ill-fated, star-crossed lovers.

Cal, a former ER doctor, is smart and has a great voice when we speak by phone. We agree to meet for dinner and over pasta, we spend hours laughing until our sides split. It is an amazingly good date and as he walks me to the subway, I find myself ridiculously excited about seeing him again. We both want to see each other again, really we do. Then, the next weekend I ironically end up in the ER after taking a fall. The weekend after that finds him at the hospital when his brother has to have an unexpected surgery. Then Cal comes down with the flu and is knocked out for a couple of weeks. Through it all, we do stay in touch through texting and short calls but we both begin to joke that our second date may never happen. Then, one day, Cal stops calling and the result of putting it out there becomes apparent. I find it strange that medical related maladies keep keeping us apart but never one to give up easily, I valiantly keep his number stored in my cell phone for another few weeks before accepting dating defeat.

Why does this happen? Why is it that a perfectly good guy shows up, we date, and then disaster strikes? Well, some would say that it just wasn’t meant to be. They would talk about how dating should be easy and that everything should just fall into place. Blahbity, blah, blah. My theory is that these people have never been on a date with someone that they like only to have things go terribly awry. Others might say that nervous energy brings nervous dating which leads to strange things happening. I think I might agree with this up to a point. I did have a most strange energy with Sam. We both noticed it, almost like static electricity of the souls if you will. But, I am an even bigger believer in the idea of the Romance Gods with their penchant for mischief. What fun it must be for them to constantly pull the rugs out from under us, keep us out of sync, and to watch us stumble and fall.

Cupid, Cupid, wherefore art thou, Cupid?

Cheapskate

I appreciate that we’re in the middle of a recession. Really, I do. But this doesn’t mean that the standards of dating etiquette should be thrown out the window. My best friend maintains that if a guy asks you out, then he pays for the date. Period. Therefore, if a guy is feeling the effects of recession, he should either:

a) put dating on hold
b) stick to coffee dates
c) become acquainted with his kitchen so that he can play Chef
d) milk his friends and/or connections for all that they’re worth

However, he shouldn’t do any of the following creative maneuvers.

Stan comes across as both funny and smart during our six minute speed dating introduction. So when he asks for my number, I don’t hesitate. We start with phone calls but he refuses to answer any direct questions about his career because he doesn’t want for us to form any generalizations based on occupation. I figure that he does have a point so I agree to a real date. On the big day, he picks me up in a car (borrowed), drives to Central Park West and parks (in the bus lane), and pulls out a half bottle of wine and two plastic cups (pilfered perhaps from a stash at work – that is if he actually works.) He invites me to dinner and we end up at an upscale fast-food joint. I’m able to put a fun and whimsical spin on things until he says that I should pay our bill. Excuse me? This guy expects me to pay for everything. Needless to say, our date ends rather abruptly and I never really do discover what he does for a living.

Tommy and I had been dating for about a month when I brought up ordering take out. It was raining and the idea of venturing out was just too much. I was going through my many menus when Tommy said he didn’t believe in ordering out because he hated the idea of wasting money for delivery when we could walk to pick it up. Ugh, in the rain, really? Besides, a huge part of the fun of takeout is lounging around in your pjs and not having to get dressed to go outside. Besides, it is usually just a couple of dollars. To me it is worth it. I shake my head and know I need a man who understands, accepts and adores the benefit of delivery just like me.

Marty is tall, handsome and boasts a great smile. When we meet for drinks on the upper west side, I’m surprised (but secretly pleased) that he’s had the forethought to make a dinner reservation. We order wine and are immediately served bread, which Marty digs into eagerly. The waiter approaches to take our order and Marty is quick to tell him that we are just having drinks – well bread and drinks. I’m too embarrassed to touch my bread despite the fact that I’ve come straight from work and obviously haven’t had dinner. Things continue to go downhill when he states he always goes dutch. Hmmm, this creates quite a nice feeling as I’m forced to find an ATM in order to pay for my half of our cheap date. As Marty walks me to the subway, I am rallied by the thought that I’ll never have to waste time (or money) with him again.

I know we’re going through a tough time in this economy and believe me, I really do understand the need to save. But, I also think there is something quite respectful and thoughtful about going on a date and not having it come down to nickels and dimes.