Gold Digger

When it comes to finances, I’ll be honest, I really do appreciate a man who understands how to balance a checkbook and gets that credit cards with revolving interest charges are evil. I also personally have a thing for guys who are financially responsible enough to pay their bills on time – call me crazy but I enjoy electricity and being able to flick on lights, and more importantly, the ability to use my flat iron at will. Having said all of this, I would not base my decision on whether to date someone on how much money they make. But, having a basic knowledge of money is a really good thing. And going on a date with someone who doesn’t get the green stuff and how it works is frankly kind of a turn off. I mean, if one doesn’t care to take the time to understand the basics so that they can take care of themselves it is kind of a big deal.

Take for instance Jordan. Kind of a late bloomer, he started his first real job with a steady paycheck when he was thirty. Up until then, he had bounced around the East coast taking odd jobs in small coastal towns. Then Jordan threw down his roots in New York to be near family and became a teacher. Upon receiving his first paycheck, he insisted on celebrating with a fancy dinner. Then he needed new wheels for his car. Then there was a plumbing leak in his family owned apartment that he needed to take care of (as he was living there for practically nothing). And, of course, Jordan had to go for drinks after work with his co-workers. Long story short, his only phone was turned off because he couldn’t pay his bill. He didn’t seem to think this was such a big deal until his mother had a serious health condition and no one in his family could locate him. When this happened, I learned that he never balanced his checkbook and had no idea how much money he even had in the bank. I realized dating Jordan would always include worrying about his finances so I bid him farewell.

When I met Steve, he came across as having it together. He had worked for the same company for fifteen years and was lucky enough to know that he would always have a job there. We talked about movies and even ventured into the taboo subject of politics as we shared some Crème Brule. The bill came and he insisted on getting it, which I thought quite gentlemanly. Then he realized he hadn’t brought enough cash and asked me if they took cards. I nodded yes and then he asked me how debit cards worked. I was in awe as I explained that the money would be taken from his checking account. Then, he wondered if I could help him figure out the tip (which I did with the help of this handy little tipping program in my cell phone and in all cell phones). I was taken aback, how was it possible that he had never used his debit card before? And if he had no knowledge of debit cards, it was quite likely that he had no idea about how credit cards worked either. Even though Steve was a nice guy, I couldn’t bear the thought of trying to be his financial guru.

I once dated a guy who seriously had no knowledge of what a 401K was. He said to me at the time, “I’m so glad you know about this stuff so that you can tell me about it.” Thankfully we were on the phone so he didn’t see me cringe. On one hand, I get his reasoning because it is wonderful to have someone show you the way. On the other hand, there is something to be said for a man who cares enough about himself to care about his finances. I get that learning about finances can be scary and intimidating and thank the stars for zealots like Suze Orman who have a way of making things make sense. When it comes to dating, the bottom line is that when I come across a man that can manage his finances, I feel like I’ve struck gold.

Wandering Eyes

Temptation is a big theme just about everywhere – from Adam and Eve to nearly every movie set in Las Vegas (it’s called Sin City for a reason). It is there, 24/7 and sometimes it is hard to ignore. For some of us, temptation is that second slice of chocolate cake that we know we shouldn’t have or the desire to buy something we shouldn’t (damn you Jimmy Choo!). While, others are drawn to vices like gambling, sneaking cigarettes, or perhaps drinking a bit too much once in awhile (damn you Magners!). Then, of course, there is that visual allure of how someone looks that can make your pulse race. I recall, with great fondness, that scene in Thelma & Louise, where Brad Pitt shows up looking like the sweetest version of the Marlboro Man (yes, I know it’s wrong to fantasize about the cancer-inducing cig smoking Marlboro Man but alas, the temptation is too great!). Oh dear, I thought at the time as my eyes ogled him in, in great, great gulps. Thankfully, I was in a darkened movie theater with girlfriends and not out on a date. But how would I have responded if I had been? Would I have been able to keep my cool (and drool) to a minimum? I like to think that if I was with a guy I was really into, then I would have kept my eyes from devouring Brad Pitt. Because I know from firsthand experience how not good it feels to be on a date with Mr. Wandering Eyes.

Tate was cute in a way that reminded me of old Leave it to Beaver reruns. There was something very Wally about him. He worked as a computer engineer and still found time to help his nearby family out with installing fences and running the odd errand. One of our dates found us sitting on a bench in Central Park in the fall with hot cocoa. It was idyllic – the sun was shining, the golden and red leaves danced in the wind, and his kiss took my breath away.
When we started walking again, we fell behind a group of girls one of whom was wearing the coolest purple shoes that I’d ever seen. As they turned onto a different path, Tate asked, “Did you see that?” Yes, I replied and mentioned the shoes. He shook his head said, “No, she was wearing the shortest skirt.” My stomach flipped and I fought the sudden urge to fling cooled cocoa in his face.

Jerry was devilishly handsome in a GQ kind of way. With his chiseled jaw, smoldering eyes and runner’s body women usually noticed him (coming and going - couldn’t resist adding this!). He also had an ego the size of Texas. On what would be our last date, we went to a bar where my friend Todd bartended. As we wound our way through the crowd to get drinks, I could see gals checking Jerry out and could feel his eyes linger here and there. When we finally reached Todd, Jerry joked with him, “Hey, if things don’t work out, do you think you could fix me up?” Excuse me, I could hear my mind shriek. He said it with a flash of his model white teeth but I knew right then that this was it. *Important note – if a guy says the phrase, “If things don’t work out…” it is a BIG red flag that things will not ever work out.*

The good news is that not all men are like this – Thank God! Take for instance, a man who I refer to as Rhett because he was severely, devastatingly, fling me over your shoulders and carry me up the stairs handsome. On one of our dates as the hostess batted her eyelashes and all but sat in his lap to try to get his attention, his eyes never wavered from mine. Perhaps he was really into me or maybe I had something stuck in my teeth but whatever the reason, it made me feel grateful and good about my carefully applied smoky grey eye shadow. Oh, and, I desperately desired to fling myself across the table and kiss him until his eyes crossed. BUT, I resisted temptation.

Fourth Date Fumble

I am an eternal optimist and try to always give the benefit of the doubt. This would explain why I’ve agreed to second dates (despite a pink flag or two), why I’ve agreed to be fixed up by well meaning friends (time and time again), and even why I forge on with dating (even after a slew of not so good dates). But every once in awhile, something happens that leaves me perplexed. For those of you regular readers, you might have gathered that manners are pretty high up on my list of desired dating traits. For me, manners are next to cleanliness, which is next to Godliness (or so I’ve been told). And one thing, one really big thing for me is being polite. I know I’m a bit old-fashioned and probably read way too many romance novels growing up, but the heroes I knew were always courteous, respectful, and gentlemanly. This is why it came as a huge surprise when I discovered that someone I’d been on multiple dates might be falling short in this category.

Mark was very smart and we could talk for hours about everything and nothing. He was arrogant (even he admitted this) and bossy (his words again) but I liked his quick wit and sarcasm. It also felt like we’d known each other for forever and he was one of those *good* guys in that he was usually quite thoughtful (he walked near traffic on sidewalks and sent me thoughtful daily texts). We made it blissfully through several dates. Yes, at times, he could be brusque but I chalked this up to his alpha personality. We shared a love for the same cheesy movies, city haunts, and decadent desserts (though he favored chocolate more than I). We always had so much fun on our dates that I found myself secretly daydreaming about daytrips and long weekends in Vermont with him. Then we went on our fourth date and something I like to refer to as the fourth date fumble occurred.

We met during the day and decided to grab a drink before dinner. The theme of our date was spontaneity so we randomly picked a hoping bar in midtown. There, we grabbed seats at the bar and ordered drinks. Mark is a sociable kind of guy and he loves meeting new people. It didn’t take long for him to strike up a conversation with the folks sitting next to him. He was thrilled to learn that they worked in the same field as him and they quickly fell into shop talk. A few minutes in, rounds of introductions were made; I waited, and waited, and waited. Was I suddenly invisible? Minutes ticked by as I took in the view of Mark’s back, checked my e-mails, and then texted my friends (what do u do when ur on a date & ur being ignored?). Finally, I decided to leave – to run an errand that I needed to run. I figured this would be a good chance to step away from a bad situation and knock something off of my to-do list. Mark asked if he could accompany me (which was a good move on his part) but I declined.

By the time I returned, Mark realized his mistake and apologized profusely. Turns out he had become overcome with excitement at meeting some folks who had work in common with him and well, I guess he plumb forgot he was on a date. I wasn’t sure how to take that – it can’t be a good thing when the guy that you’re with forgets he’s on a date with you, right? Was it possible that he was just having a bad night, or worse that maybe he wasn’t into me? These questions nagged at me but because I liked Mark, I kept seeing him. But as our time together continued, it became clear that my hunch about the fumble had been correct – while Mark did like me, he just didn't like me enough. A dear friend asked me point blank, “Why would a guy on a date with you even want to talk to strangers?” Good call.