Wedding Moments

The romance, the celebration, the leap of faith being taken– there is something about weddings that forces us to ponder things and to take stock of our lives. If one is single and attending stag, it reminds one ever-so-much that one is not part of a couple. Perhaps this is why weddings seem such a good place to meet people, and why there are endless tales of romances that start over champagne and shared bites of someone else’s frothy white cake. At the same time, for people who are attending with a date, it can force both parties to examine their relationship in a new light. Are we serious? Where is this going? Do I desire marriage? Would I even want to put a ring on this guy? And sometimes, for a couple, the fallout from attending (or not attending) a wedding provides answers that may not be so welcome.

I had been dating Steve for about nine months. We were having fun. He was a breath of fresh air, his very chillaxed attitude contrasting with my type-A personality. He calmed me down, and I felt like we served as a kind of yin and yang for each other. When a good friend sent me a wedding invitation to her upcoming nuptials, for once the invitation came with someone else’s name on it besides my own. We decided to make a weekend out of it, driving up to Vermont amidst gorgeous fall foliage and staying at a quaint B&B. The wedding itself was perfection. But, in the midst of the weekend, I realized that Steve was not someone I could envision having a monumental relationship with. It saddened me. I liked Steve for so many reasons - he was a light-hearted guy, a thrill-seeker who encouraged me to be more spontaneous, and there was something very nice about our familiarity.

Several months later, Steve and I attended the wedding of two of his close friends. They were lovely people, and we had a great time. He whirled me around the dance floor to some fun eighties tunes. We indulged in too many drinks and too much cake. To everyone around us, we probably looked like a happy couple. But again, I found myself thinking about our relationship and knowing, deep in my heart, that we were not suited for each other for anything beyond dating. When things ended a couple of months later, it didn’t come as a surprise, but rather felt like the ending I knew was going to happen all along.

Then there was Clay, a guy who on one of our early dates mentioned an upcoming wedding that would be fun to take me to. Naturally, with this wedding date looming in the future, I pondered what I would wear, how I would do my hair, if I needed to buy new shoes. As the date drew near, Clay hemmed and hawed and said that he wasn’t sure he wanted to take me. *Note to men –never mention a wedding to someone you are dating unless you plan to take them!* He didn’t want me to feel overwhelmed by meeting all of his friends at once, and he was afraid I would feel abandoned if he stepped away to chat with them. On one hand, I could see his point of view. It might indeed be a bit much to meet so many people at one time, and I didn’t much like the idea of being abandoned either. On the other hand, a little warning bell went off in my head – wouldn’t a guy who was really into me want me to be his date and meet his friends? As the wedding grew near, I couldn’t seem to make peace with the idea that my boyfriend would rather go stag than take me as his date. Predictably, things didn’t work out with Clay.

Like it or not, these wedding moments have a way of forcing things to a head. And I’ve begun to think this might actually be a good thing. After all, discovering that a guy is Mr. Wrong is a step in the right direction. It clears the way for Mr. Better, Mr. Right, or perhaps even allows one to revel in singledom just a little bit.