Fourth Date Fumble

I am an eternal optimist and try to always give the benefit of the doubt. This would explain why I’ve agreed to second dates (despite a pink flag or two), why I’ve agreed to be fixed up by well meaning friends (time and time again), and even why I forge on with dating (even after a slew of not so good dates). But every once in awhile, something happens that leaves me perplexed. For those of you regular readers, you might have gathered that manners are pretty high up on my list of desired dating traits. For me, manners are next to cleanliness, which is next to Godliness (or so I’ve been told). And one thing, one really big thing for me is being polite. I know I’m a bit old-fashioned and probably read way too many romance novels growing up, but the heroes I knew were always courteous, respectful, and gentlemanly. This is why it came as a huge surprise when I discovered that someone I’d been on multiple dates might be falling short in this category.

Mark was very smart and we could talk for hours about everything and nothing. He was arrogant (even he admitted this) and bossy (his words again) but I liked his quick wit and sarcasm. It also felt like we’d known each other for forever and he was one of those *good* guys in that he was usually quite thoughtful (he walked near traffic on sidewalks and sent me thoughtful daily texts). We made it blissfully through several dates. Yes, at times, he could be brusque but I chalked this up to his alpha personality. We shared a love for the same cheesy movies, city haunts, and decadent desserts (though he favored chocolate more than I). We always had so much fun on our dates that I found myself secretly daydreaming about daytrips and long weekends in Vermont with him. Then we went on our fourth date and something I like to refer to as the fourth date fumble occurred.

We met during the day and decided to grab a drink before dinner. The theme of our date was spontaneity so we randomly picked a hoping bar in midtown. There, we grabbed seats at the bar and ordered drinks. Mark is a sociable kind of guy and he loves meeting new people. It didn’t take long for him to strike up a conversation with the folks sitting next to him. He was thrilled to learn that they worked in the same field as him and they quickly fell into shop talk. A few minutes in, rounds of introductions were made; I waited, and waited, and waited. Was I suddenly invisible? Minutes ticked by as I took in the view of Mark’s back, checked my e-mails, and then texted my friends (what do u do when ur on a date & ur being ignored?). Finally, I decided to leave – to run an errand that I needed to run. I figured this would be a good chance to step away from a bad situation and knock something off of my to-do list. Mark asked if he could accompany me (which was a good move on his part) but I declined.

By the time I returned, Mark realized his mistake and apologized profusely. Turns out he had become overcome with excitement at meeting some folks who had work in common with him and well, I guess he plumb forgot he was on a date. I wasn’t sure how to take that – it can’t be a good thing when the guy that you’re with forgets he’s on a date with you, right? Was it possible that he was just having a bad night, or worse that maybe he wasn’t into me? These questions nagged at me but because I liked Mark, I kept seeing him. But as our time together continued, it became clear that my hunch about the fumble had been correct – while Mark did like me, he just didn't like me enough. A dear friend asked me point blank, “Why would a guy on a date with you even want to talk to strangers?” Good call.