Hiatus

I was burned out and in desperate need of a vacation. I’m not talking about being burned out from working the job that pays my bills or needing a break from the hum drum of my daily life (a dog to be walked, rooms to be cleaned, paperwork to be dealt with). I’m talking about needing, really needing a break from dating. As my dear friends and family know, I have been on a bit of a dating bender for a chunk of this year. What they might now know is that the dates had grown so debilitating (boys who call and don’t show up, boys who make assumptions that they shouldn’t, boys who act like we’re an old married couple on our very first date) that I had to call a time out. TIME OUT. I just wanted to curl up on my couch and read Twilight or watch True Blood – yes vampires appeal and especially vampire boys with their calm facades, desire to just talk for hours, and amazingly good manners (oh Edward and Bill – you put most men to shame!).

I’m not sure when it happened but one day I woke up and realized that dating had become a bit of a chore (and a bore). I would meet a guy, do the get-to-know you dance, and then play the part of the ‘girl dating’. I would ask the same questions (over and over again like a parakeet), wear cute outfits (mostly wasting my sparkles if you will), and even visit the same places (sorry Central Park and French Roast for using and abusing you like that!). I would try to be engaging and fun and ‘that girl’ but it zapped so much energy. Somewhere along the way, I kind of lost my joy de vivre. I became cranky and so jaded as to spout off about online dating and the “looser” men of the world. Urgh. Much to the chagrin of my coworker, she caught me on such a rant after she sweetly mentioned her nephew had found love on the Net. I forced myself to take a step back from it all and realized that I was dating with the same enthusiasm as I have for my dentist (no disrespect meant Dr. Winters!). Dating had become something to schedule into my already overflowing calendar, something to waste time and energy on (like getting sucked into those Lifetime movies), and something that left me feeling depleted.

Knowing that I needed to save myself, I deleted my online profiles and closed an account (or four). It felt good, clean, and fresh. And I took some time for me - beautiful time to catch up with my friends, to hike with my dog, to write about something other than romance and relationships. I read books that I’d been meaning to get to for years, ate stacks of homemade pancakes, and explored pockets of the city that had long been forgotten. After many weeks of this bliss, I decided that if I was going to return to the online and regular world of dating I needed to set some guidelines. I wanted for dating to be simple and easy and fun again. I did not want for it to feel like work. So, I decided that my first (and only) requirement for a date be that they entertain me. That’s right; a guy just had to hold my attention by saying or doing something amusing. And, in order to cut back on having to endure endless bad dates, they would need to entertain me by phone before we ever met in person.

With my new rule firmly in place, I boldly ventured back into the dating world. I was more selective and self-assured - I ended conversations that bored me to tears, bailed on dull dates in favor of just chilling with my dog, and paid more attention to my gut than to some part that I was supposed to play. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I liked “this girl”, who was unwilling to settle for anything less than someone who could make her laugh, keep her engaged, and ultimately help her appreciate the male species again (though I will always have a soft spot for those vampires!).