Bringing Manners Back

There is something quite nice about manners in general. And there is something quite chivalrous and gallant about a man with manners. Despite the ever changing roles for women, this woman still appreciates doors being held open, seats being offered up, and the guy who walks next to traffic if we’re pounding the pavement of the Big Apple. These kind gestures make me feel appreciated and respected—both good things in this ever-changing world. But with the shifting tides of feminism/the economy/technology, it seems that lately some of the men out there have lost their manners (or in some cases their marbles).

Take for instance, Teddy the Trader. In the midst of impromptu tapas, he boldly takes out booth of his earrings and lays them in the dip of his spoon. He then proceeds to dip bread into our communal olive oil dish. While I have no problem with the fact that he has his ears pierced and proudly wears Mr. Clean style rings in them, I can’t quite wrap my brain around the grossness of his removing them at the table and continuing to eat. I fight against the impulse to offer him the hand sanitizer in my purse.

Adam the Actor adamantly insists that we go to this little known restaurant in Hoboken because I must see the gorgeous view of the city from there. After much driving, we finally reach the spot, which is spookily out of the way and resonates with a feeling of abandonment (think the deck of the Titanic right as it begins to sink). Then, to my complete surprise, Adam insists that he take the seat with the city view. I swallow my disbelief and hunker down for my less-than-inspiring view of Adam who in the midst of our date checks his buzzing phone at least three times.

Then there is Eddie the Editor. Our marathon date includes a baseball game (he is an hour late) and a movie (he insists we see despite my expressed lack of interest). Then, as we are swapping stories and somehow get onto the topic of adoption, I mention that this is an option I would consider. Without a hint of hesitation, he boldly asks, “Why, you got plumbing problems?” As I process this question, I can feel the color drain from my face. I am so shocked by his words that I go into a state of denial over them. Needless to say, that is the end of Eddie.

I’m not exactly sure when manners began to slide but the loss of them leaves me feeling disheartened. I’m sorry, but in every fairy tales I grew up with the Prince was tall, dark, handsome, and polite. I was also taught that please and thank you were magic words and that I should follow the golden rule. So, it is with trepidation that I gear up for another date while wondering what this guy will literally bring to the table. I meet Jack in midtown for Indian food. He is tall and comes across as both smart and funny as we make our way inside. He defers to me for a wine selection, treats the wait staff with kindness, and sneakily handles the bill. As we leave, he slides his chair in so as not to trip others and opens the door for me. His overall manners secretly make me feel as if I’ve died and gone to heaven. And, Jack comes across as downright sexy. Sexy, who would have thought it? Perhaps touting manners as the new sexy is the best way to bring them back.