Man with a Plan

There has long been a resounding belief that all women want to get married and that we are plotting and planning this from the very first date. Perhaps this may be true for some women intent upon becoming bridezillas or those whose biological clocks and desire for children have taken over. But something that no one ever seems to mention or even think about is that the reverse is also true - there are also men out there who really want to be married and are plotting and planning this from date one. Yes, there really are men out there who hanker to be groomzillas and who also have biological clocks worked up into a hormonal Daddy-desperate frenzy. I’m not sure why this concept hasn’t been explored or touted on the cover of Men’s Health or Maxim, but let me tell you it is a very real phenomenon. It can strike young men just starting out or older gents more set in their lives and careers. And it is a phenomenon that continually surprises and awes me, while making me want to run for the hills like Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride.

Brian and I sat side by side in a college art course that consisted mostly of viewing slides in a darkened auditorium. Luckily, red-headed Brian would keep me on my toes with his flirtatious remarks about the great naked ladies of the Renaissance period. Eventually, he asked me out and all was going well on our date until we ran into some free time between dinner and our movie. With a smile, Brian drove me to his favorite haunt in our Kansan college town – John Deere. There, he proceeded to drive through the tractors and point out those he wanted to have on his farm someday. He took my hand as he spoke of his dream tractors and I couldn’t help but see myself years in the future living in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by fields of wheat, red-headed children, and big green tractors. Yikes, it was much too much for my twenty year-old brain to process and our date (and any hopes of a relationship) ended with a friendly hug.

Over a decade later, upon meeting Dwight for our first date I was taken with his Michael Keaton cuteness. We made our way to an upscale Midtown dinner where we proceeded to hit it off over shared chicken pot pie and cornbread. He was funny, charming, and had a twinkle in his eye that came across as quite fetching. All was going remarkably well until we started talking about past relationships. In speaking about his ex-girlfriend, he over-shared in such graphic detail it is wonder that I didn’t blush. He then went on to tell me that things ended because she wasn’t sure she wanted to have children. Almost in the same breathe, he asked me if I wanted to have children and if so, how many. I was saved from having to answer with the arrival of our dessert – a decadent brownie and ice cream combo that loomed large. When he took my hand and told me that he wanted to date me and only me, I knew our dating days were doomed.

There have been many other fellows who have made it clear from the beginning that they are a hankerin’ for a wife and kids. These guys are quick to ask questions about when I got my dog (to determine how long I’ve been ‘mothering’), whether my sisters are married and have children (because there must be a pattern there), and whether I can see myself living outside of the city (code for having kids and moving to the burbs). They have also at times hinted and/or outright asked about my desire (and even ability – yes ability) to have children. Needless to say, whenever I come across one of these guys, it makes me feel like I’m going to suffocate or spontaneously combust. And I always find myself thanking my lucky stars for freewill, my eternal optimism, and great sneakers for running if all else fails.