Match Point

Have you ever tried to play tennis alone? I can only imagine that it would be awful to run back and forth chasing the ball from one side of the net to the other without a partner to lobby it back with ease. Or, have you ever played doubles tennis with a glory hog who wanted to make all of the plays? This is how it can feel when one is stuck on a bad date with someone who either never talks or equally as bad, never asks any questions. It is a terrible thing to be put in this position. It can be exhausting, unfair, and downright boring. A conversation or interaction should be two-sided with give and take, yin and yang – a balance of some sort. But alas, there are many, many guys out there that have not mastered this fine art. And talking without truly conversing quickly can lead to some very bad dates.

Simon reminded me of Clark Kent with his glasses and awe shucks smile. I could tell he was one of those shy guys so tried to be patient as we sipped coffee at Starbucks. I continued to ask him question after question when he became silent and picked at the lid of his grade iced latte. Every once in awhile he would manage to ask me something but often it was a repeat question that made me wonder if he was nervous or just flat-out not paying attention. Eventually, I became so tired of doing all of the work that I just stopped speaking. Silence descended upon us, heavy and uncomfortable. I refused to utter a peep. After a few painful minutes, he managed to whimper out, “say something, I like hearing you talk” and I knew that that was that. I had no desire to do all of the work (and certainly not on our very first date!).

After several charming e-mails, Charlie and I made plans to speak by phone. Within minutes of our phone call, he was spouting on about his important work as an insurance adjuster working with doctors. His work was so important that he failed to even ask me for details on how I spent my days. When he paused to take a breath, I would throw out a question which he always fully answered. But he never asked me a thing. After fifteen minutes, I knew where he lived and worked, what he liked to do in his spare time, and what he felt most passionately about. He only knew my first name, I swear. Eventually I begged off of the conversation to walk the dog he didn’t even know that I had.

Interactions like those with Simon and Charlie, have led me to place great value on the ability to converse and to entertain. I desire to have my attention diverted, to be amused, to find fun in interacting. I desire meandering conversations full of verbs and nouns and plays that make my brain spin and my heart pound. I once had a friend wax romantic about all nighters with her boyfriend. Sorry, ahem, all night conversations with her boyfriend. They so enjoyed talking that they skimped on sleep in order to delve deep and share their most private thoughts. This always struck a pang of envy in me as there is nothing quite like finding a sparring partner who gets the art of conversation and like me, is smitten with the idea of being entertained.

Rob was one of those forgotten men. I met him once at a party, liked him, but didn't hear from him. I was surprised when he called out of the blue but we immediately fell into an easy rapport that felt so easy. It was like the most splendid tennis match – one of clever serves and ace plays. You could hear the enthusiasm in our voices and the air fairly seemed to crackle with electricity from our match of matches. By the end of our call, it was clear we both were having a good time. Rob asked me about grabbing a drink and I responded with an enthusiastic yes. Match point – oh glorious language!