Scarecrow

Once upon a summer I met a very cute lifeguard while at the beach. He was handsome in a golden Greek God sort of way, had the alluring essence of an athlete about him, and was as laid back and easy going as a Jack Johnson song. I honestly wasn’t in the mood for anything serious and well, he seemed about perfect for this. I guess I should have made my intentions clear but within weeks I was suddenly meeting the family and attending social gatherings with him. What I thought to be a casual relationship quickly felt like anything but. I was flummoxed and even though I couldn’t admit it to a soul, the real problem was that despite a physical attraction, there was little intellectual connection. And so, I found myself in a quandary. He was cute, nice, and funny but our main topics of conversation were surfing, working out, and which bars had the best beer. It didn’t take long for me to miss having conversations that delved deeper.

I tried to overlook this one thing and was quite successful for most of the summer. But then I began spending longer periods of time with him and the truth became painfully clear. At night, over dinner we would run out of things to say and would often escape into TV shows or movies just to pass time. And on the weekends, he would spend time working out or drinking with his buddies while I worked on my own projects. Eventually, we went our separate ways but I did learn something most important—I need to be with a smart boy not a scarecrow in dire need of a brain.

A friend once said that the perfect relationship should consist of connecting on three levels: intellectual, emotional and physical. The intellectual (or mental) connection is the ability to easily have long, meaningful conversations. The emotional connection is one in which they are the first person you want to talk to when you have good or bad news. And, the physical connection is one where there is a shared, mutual attraction on that base level. I have come to believe that this idea is a pretty good barometer with regards to relationships. Through my dating experiences, I’ve also come to realize that it is quite easy to find one or maybe even two of these traits but difficult (at least for me) to find all three in one person. And thinking back on relationships that didn’t work out, there was always at least one of these components lacking. But, as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully wiser), I’ve come to realize that I can’t compromise on this if I want to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. And really, isn’t that what we all strive for in a relationship—to be happy and fulfilled?

Now, when I think back to the summer of the lifeguard, I’m amazed that things went on for as long as they did. I was bored, very bored with him, and the fact that he was easy on the eyes was not enough to keep me from my boredom. For some gals (and some guys too I suppose), this may not be such a big deal. I mean, it’s kind of nice (and well, downright flattering) to be dating someone who resembles a Greek God/Goddess. But having someone who I can talk to about everything, who sparks my intellectual curiosity, and who gets who I am from the inside out, well that’s precious, priceless, and pretty close to perfection.