Juggling

I once read an article that said that a woman should always date at least three to four men at the same time. It claimed that by doing this a woman wouldn’t become too emotionally attached to any one guy too soon. It kind of makes sense given that we women (myself included) can become way too focused on a guy (do you remember Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction?). Another point that the article made was that juggling, at least in the beginning, allows a gal to comparison shop. Come on, we do it all of the time when we’re shopping for pretty much everything else (new perfume, shoes, handbags) – why not men too? Well, maybe because it isn’t easy or much fun.

I have to admit that I’ve never been good at juggling. My one attempt came to an unfortunate climax when both gents showed up at the same bar and I found myself trying to keep ‘em separated while doing my own private version of ground hog day. I remember inanely repeating the same things: “Could you please get me another drink?”, “Where have you been hiding?” and “Excuse me while I use the bathroom.” My friends did their best to help but alas, it didn’t take long for the guys to catch on. Needless to say, things didn’t work out well. I mean, when you’re dating someone you want to feel special and there is nothing special about feeling like one of many.

I have to say that it isn’t much fun being on the other end of this either. It leaves one (ahem, me) feeling rather disenheartened and disappointed. Here are some truths I’ve learned:

1) Being available by phone is good-One of my favorite fellows was super busy but always available for me no matter what. While some might say he was too available, it made me feel special.

2) Text messages all of the time is bad – While texting is a great way to say Hi it isn’t the same as talking or seeing each other. If the texts are generic, it is very bad because it is easy to send the same multi-text to scads of people. “Good morning sweetheart, missing you!”

3) Cancelling dates is bad – Yes, we all get busy and yes, we all have things crop up that demand all of our attention but we all also make time for the things that are important to us (golf, shoe shopping, Satan worshipping, disco dancing) no matter what. Period.

4) Saying a name is good – I once went on a date with a guy who literally called me ‘Baby’ the entire night. Well, at least it was better than having him say the wrong name I guess.

A friend once said that there is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time as long as you can keep them straight. While I do get her point, it just doesn’t work well for me either way. When I meet someone and really spark with them, it feels like I’ve won the dating lottery and I have no desire to see other spark-less people just to keep myself from feeling a certain way or for the sake of comparison shopping. And, to be honest, I always hope that Mr. Spark feels exactly the same way about me.