Mr. Hot N Cold

So I just saw the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” While it was a decent movie in that it was quite entertaining and features a stellar cast (including Oscar winners Jennifer Connelly and Ben Affleck), it left me feeling perplexed. You see, I’ve been dating this guy who has been sending me what I like to refer to as Hot N Cold signals (if you’ve heard the Kate Perry song, you know what I mean). One day, we’re trading cute, sexy pics and zipping from borough to borough to eat at the latest trendy restaurant in Williamsburg. The next day, he’s too busy to return my calls and has too much going on to “think” about me or our pseudo-relationship. Then, in the midst of a make-out session that has turned my brain to mush, he halts and says that he “doesn’t want to ruin our friendship by taking things to the next level.” My accelerated heart comes screeching to a stop. Excuse me, but isn’t this my line as a woman? I mean, isn’t this something that a girl might say? I’m confused.

Afterwards, I’m in angst, pondering what he means, what this means. Should I have skipped the garlic bread at dinner? Should I have worn my push-up bra? Those jeans do have a way of making my butt look big. My friends are most helpful. He must have been tired/going through a lot with work/deeply in like with me/scared to commit/thinking too much about sports or some such nonsense. I try to shrug his words off but they nag at me like a hangnail that seems to catch on everything.

Thinking that perhaps I need further insight, I decide to delve deeper into the idea that started it all. I purchase the book He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and crack it open like a drug addict desperate for some relief. It doesn’t take long before I stumble upon the awful truth in black and white. To paraphrase, if a guy pulls the friend line, they are just not that into you. And to take it one step further, if a guy is into you he shouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you. Yikes, my poor heart aches a bit at this. As I suspected, this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

Well, I guess it’s been awhile since I dated a guy that really was into me. This might help explain why I’ve been willing to date guys like Mr. Hot N Cold. I also think it’s easy for us women to kind of talk ourselves (and often each other) into giving men and relationships the benefit of the doubt so to speak. I’m not exactly sure why—maybe it’s our optimism or our ability to come up with the most imaginative excuses (seriously, every woman I know can come up with a reason why she needs a chocolate chip cookie/a message/to skip the gym/ to buy that new Kate Spade bag). While this at times can truly be a beautiful gift, when it comes to men and trying to analyze things (sometimes to death!) it may be just a bit of a curse.

I keep reading and discover that if a guy is really into me, he will make time to track me down, call me, ask me out, spend time with me, touch me, kiss me, cherish me and adore me. Wow, this all sounds pretty darn good! I like the idea of this guy, whoever he is. And the authors keep driving home the point that all I have to do is pay attention to the guys I date and to not fall for any of these half-hearted guys. Hmmm, sounds deceptively simple.

With thoughts of this dreamy guy dancing through my head, it is easy to say goodbye to Mr. Hot N Cold and to open myself up to the possibility of more. I sign up for online dating sites and spread word to my friends that I’m open to set-ups. As I begin to date again, I find myself paying more attention and firmly holding out for a hero. After all, don’t we all deserve to be with a hero that truly gets how very special/amazing/dreamy we really are.